but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize