I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
