Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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