I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize