That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
