His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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