Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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