Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize