): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
