That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
