I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
