just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
