i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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