no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
