I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
