I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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