she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
