I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
