if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
