so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
