That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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