I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
