I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
