these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Randomize
