YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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