i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
