you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
