I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I think i got beer on your cat.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
