Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
