I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
