What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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