alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
