dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
