sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
