She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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