My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
