Only a mothe r could love this liver
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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