so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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