it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
