I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
