I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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