She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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