I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
