i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
