and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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