I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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