I wish I could teleport
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
