he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
