Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
