Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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