Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize