He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
