We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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