My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
