He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
