I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
