I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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