if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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