Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
