My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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