it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
