The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
